Shika's Winter Coat
by Your Pet Peeve
Summary: [Oneshot] One simple mission...one simple coat...two run in's with the Akatsuki...one huge nightmare...literally.


**This is a funny one!**

**No couples! Just PURE humor.**

**I came up with this idea when me and my sister were talking.**

**Okay...so...hope ya like it!**

**Disclaimer: ****Ich besitze Naruto oder keine Liede diesbezüglich fic. **

**Heh heh heh...german...**

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**Shika's Winter Coat**

**By Chibi Shino**

"Uhhh...how troublesome..." Shikamaru moans. Once again, he was sent on another B-ranked mission. He would rather be home with his friends. Ever since he became a chunin, that rarely came true. Once he came back from one mission, he was sent on another one hours later. Today, he has to go to the land of snow and build a snowman. Yes. A snowman. But the thing is, there is a misterious masked figure in the town. All it does is destroy snowman and laugh. Then leaves and goes to it's feminine friend. His job is to capture it with his shadow possestion jutsu.

But alas, our friend Shika doesn't give a crap.

"...jeez...it's just some snowman...does it really matter?" He sighs. He takes one hand out of his pocket and takes out a map.

He traces a path to his destination and roughly puts it back.

_Why can't they just get Kakashi or someone to do it...it's just too troublesome..._ He thinks as he hops from tree to tree and sees a big white blob in the distance.

_Looks like I'm almost there... _

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He lands in a big blob of snow. He notices how deep in the snow he is and sighs.

"Great. I'm stuck." He starts to shake and gets out. "..well...snowman...prepare to be built!"

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"Looks like someone is trying to build a snowman, eh?" A shadowed figure asks from a bush. The wind starts to blow and it's long hair starts to get in it's face. "Damn this feminine hair of mine! Anyway, be a good boy and destroy it when he's done." It comands it's comrade.

"Kay! Cause T-"

"SHUSH, EH!"

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"Hm?" Shikamaru says, looking up from his snowman and stares at the bush.. Actually, it was no snowman at all. It was just a pile of snow with a face.

"..I could have sworn I heard something...oh well..." He adds some arms to it. "There...done."

_Now I just sit and wait..._

He leans against a tree and stares at his creation. Suddenly two figures pop out of the bush.

_Ah HA! There they are! Just like the Hokage said! The masked thing and the feminine friend!_

Shikamaru makes the hand seal and traps both of them with his shadow.

"Gotcha!" He says. The two people look at him, unwillingly of course, at he gets a better look at them. They are definitaly human.One of them had an orange mask on that only allowed one eye to see. Shikamaru assumed it was a he.The other person was a woman with long blonde hair with a strip covering her eye. The beauty rivaled Ino's. They were both wearing long black rodes with red designs on it that looked like clouds.

"So..you're the two ruining all the snowman, huh?" Shikamaru asks.

"I'm sorry! I'm sor-" The oranged mask cries, but gets cut off by the woman.

"Don't apologize! We were supposed to do it!" She yells, making the man cry even more. Shikamaru moves his hand to his face andlooks like he's whiping a tear. The other two follow.

"Thank you." Thanks Orange-mask.

"Welcome. Now, why is a girl like you crushing snowman with him?" The girl grows and anger mark.

The anger mark stayed as she says "I'm a boy."

_...woops.._

"Well..sorry."

The very feminine boy sighs. "I'm used to it."

"Okay guys. Stop hurting the snowman, okay?"

"On one condition."

"Hm?"

"We get to destroy your sinful one."

"Deal if you tell me your names."

"...Deidara."

"TOBI!"

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_That was easier than I thought. _

Shikamaru jumps from tree to tree, heading home. Suddenly he was stopped.

"Halt."

Shika looks up and see's a blue skined man staring down at him. His right hand was on a sword he held on his back.

"...can I help you?" Shikamaru asks.

"Why are you mocking our uniform?" The blue man demands.

"...excuse me?"

"Don't try to act innocent. You CLEARLY copied the Akatsuki uniform."

Shikamaru looks at the mans outfit. It was just like the Dederia and Tobi guy's outfits. He then looks down at his own. It was just like their's, only with a blue backround and white clouds-looking designs.

"...no..this is my snow jacket." Shikamaru corrects.

"Snow jacket? From the look of your headband, I thought you were from Konoha..."

"I am, but I just had a mission..."

"Hand it over."

"What?"

"Hand the jacket over." The man says, holding his free hand out.

"Um, no."

"Would you rather hand it over, or lose a leg?" The man asks, tightning his grip on the sword. Before Shika could reply, another man poofs infront of him.

"Kisame..stop." He commands. The new man had black hair, much like Sasuke's, and was wearing the same robe as everyone else. His eye's were red.

"But Itachi-"

"I said stop Kisame."

"...fine."

The man called Kisame grumbles and removes his hand from the sword and lowers his other.

"Ummm...I'll just be going n-"

"HALT."

_Damn...so close..._

"Hn?" Shikamaru replies, turning around.

"You never heard anything Kisame said. We were never going to destroy Konoha," Itachi says, turning to Shikamaru.

"..but he never said that..."

"Okay...you didn't see anything..." Itachi says, dragging Kisame into the shadows with him.

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"Well that was a..moment..." Shikamaru says, hopping back to Konoha on trees.

_Jeez...that Tobi guy was loud...and that Deidera guy was a chick. I know it._

Shikamaru continues to think.

_Kisame...or whatever his name was...that sword of his...that was pretty creepy...and Itachi...he had a striking reasemblence to Sasuke..._

Shikamaru stops, take off his jacket and thinks.

_Akatsuki...that was their name right? They said they were going to destroy Konoha..._

He looks up, eyes wide.

"The Akatsuki are coming." He whispers.

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"Jeez...what's taking him so long?!" Tsunade yells on her 8th cup of sake.

"C-Calm down, Lady Tsunade." Shuzune says.

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"HOLY SHIT! THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING!" Shikamaru yells, running his hands through his hair. "Need help...I'm gonna need some help..."

He calms down and puts his hands in the thinking position.

_Okay...I'm going to need to get home...FAST! What can I do? I can't run fast enough! Wait...HE can!_

Shikamaru snaps out of his trance. He looks up at the clouds and he tries to remember what to do.

_Okay...okay...was it...yell? Nope. Last time I did, I couldn't feel my legs for a week...oh yes! I remember!_

Shikamaru snaps out of his thinking stance and takes out some sugar cubes.

_..where the hell did these come from? Anyway...this better work..._

He places them on the ground and hides in a tree. He waits. Suddenly a flying object comes out of nowhere and lands next to the sugar cubes. At first, it stares at them. It then bent it's head down and sniffs them. Shikamaru stares at the creature, then starts to come fown slowly.

_So he actually came.._

Then the creature ate them. Shikamaru then pat it on the back. The animal jumps up out of fright, then relaxes.

"Hey, Dazzlewing. Long time, no see." Shikamaru greets, petting the animals back.

"Ah! Shikamaru! I agree! You've ya been?" Dazzlewing greets back.

"Well...I've become a genin...and now I'm a chunin...you?"

"Nothing. Just flying around...eating...Santa...that kinda stuff."

"You where accepted by Santa?"

"No...he rejected me...'You're to troublesome.' he says. Jeez! Rude much!"

"Sounds like my type of guy...anyway. I need you help. The Akatsuki are coming to my village and I need to get back so-"

"Say no more. Hop on!"

"Thanks." He then hops on the stag and waits. Dazzlewing finishes the sugar cubes and then starts to fly. Much to Shikamaru's joy, he flew below the clouds so he could watch them. When they finallymake it, Shikamaru already fell asleep. Dazzlewing bucks him off and he crashes into a tree.

_Damn deer... _

He falls from the tree and mounts Dazzlewing again.

"Okay. Now, all I want you to do is run, alright?" Shikamaru says, rubbing the deers neck. It nods and runs through the gates of Konoha.

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"LADY TSUNADE!"

"...ngnngh...yes Shizune?"

"Shikamaru has returned...on a deer..."

"HA! Lee and I are not the ONLY sake lovers!"

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"THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING! THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING!" Shikamaru and his deer friend run through the streets of Konoha. Shikamaru shouts this phrase every chance he gets. Everyone who hears it runs to their house. As Shikamaru turns another corner, he see's his friends Ino and Choji.

"SHIKAMARU! Hi! What's with all the noise?" Ino asks, turning to Shikamaru. Choji waves, still merrily munching on his chips.

"GUYS! THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING!" Shikamaru yells frantically. Ino and Choji stare at Shikamaru for a moment, then look at eachother..and scream. They run into the nearest house.

"Wow Shikamaru, you sure are scaring them!" Dazzlewing says, looking up at Shikamaru.

"Whatever...RUN!" Dazzlewing takes off again and they turn another corner to see Squad 7. Naruto was poking Sasuke hair, asking if it was a chicken, Sasuke was growling and Sakura was watching in amusement.

"Ummm...guys? GUYS!" The squad looks at the frantic Chunin. Naruto cocks his head to side and asks what wrong.

"THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING!" Shikamaru yells. Sasuke's eye's went from not caring to anger in a split second.

"...Itachi..." He growls.

"Well...RUN FOR COVER! YAH, DAZZLEWING, YAH!" Shikamaru yells. Dazzlewing runs far down the street. The confused team can only think one thing.

Dazzlewing?

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Shikamaru's zooming through the streets of Konoha.

"THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING! THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING!" He continues to yell. He suddenly see's Team Gai resting at a little coffee shop.

Tenten was eating a doughnut and was happily talking to Lee, who was drinking some coffee. Neji, being Neji, wanted to get out of there and train. Shikamaru wonders how they didn't hear him before.

"GUYS!" Shikamaru yells, running towards the shop. Lee and Tenten look over at Shikamaru.

"Hey Shikamaru! What's with all the ruckus?" Tenten asks, putting down the doughnut.

"THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING!"

"The who?" Tenten questions. Neji's eyes grow wide. He mutter's 'No way' then runs home. Okay...if Neji, the prodigy, runs home, you might want to follow. Lee and Tenten do the same, only going to their house/apartment.

Shikamaru smirks. What would Konoha do without you, Shika? He jumps onto Dazzlewing's back and continues his Afternoon ride.

"THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING! THE AKATSUKI ARE COMING!" Dazzlewing takes a corner and rams into a gate, causing Shikamaru to fall and hit his head.

He blacks out.

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"...nnn..." Shikamaru slowly opens his eyes. Four shadows float above him.

"Ah! He's awake!" The first one yells.

"What should we do with him, eh?" The second shadow asks.

"Can I cut off his leg? PLEASE?" The oddly large third shadow begs.

"...no..." The red eyed one denies. 8 hands reach down for the half-awake chunin.

_...I've gotta stop dozing off like that..._

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**The end!**

**Wow...it came out horribly! Ha ha!**

**Well...here ya go!**

**R&R!**

**-Chibi Shino**


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